People who are grieving struggle with holidays

November 4, 2009

As reported by Shelly Birkelo in the Janesville Gazette 

If the 2009 holidays will be the first without your loved one, the season might bring more sadness than joy.

Getting into the holiday spirit after losing a loved one can be especially painful for those who are grieving, said Gordon Lynch, HospiceCare grief counselor.

“When people lose someone they have a history of traditions with, it’s often difficult to celebrate because it can bring up those memories and the pain of the loss,’’ he said.

That’s why HospiceCare is offering a Holiday Grief and Remembrance seminar with time for questions and answers Tuesday, Nov. 10, at its Janesville office.

The first year when a person loses someone is the most difficult, Lynch said.

“When that person is not there, there’s a void,’’ he said.

So people have to work through those feelings regarding their lost loved one, Lynch said.

To cope with the loss, he said, there should be structure to the day along with realistic expectations.

“Have plans ahead of time, accept feelings and process them, and attend whatever functions you feel comfortable with,’’ Lynch said.

Another coping strategy is to create a memorial or ritual, Lynch said, that can take on all different forms. That might include giving money to charity in memory of your loved one, lighting a candle for that special person or making an ornament or quilt in their memory.

Talking about a loved one and sharing stories also can be helpful, Lynch said.

“It’s really unique to the individual and what they want to do to provide some memorial to their loved one,” he said.

It’s also important people take care of themselves by getting enough rest and eating well. They also need to have friends and family close to them who understand what they’re going through and are supportive, Lynch said.

“Take one day at a time to make it through the holidays,” he said. “Keep things simple and know your limits.”

In addition, support groups are listed on www.hospicecareinc.com that are open to the public, Lynch said.

HospiceCare also offers a holiday remembrance program, which will be from 2 to 3:30 p.m. Sunday, Nov. 8, at St. William Catholic Church. The program is open to the community and its patient families for support. It will feature readings, songs and people coming together and remembering their loved ones.